Life and Living

Falls

Grasping onto life is like griping a jagged rock on the crest of a waterfall. The water plummeting against your face, blinding your vision, pushing you to fall into gravity’s embrace. 10,000 tons of pressure against your shoulders, the roar of impenetrable following. Its mass of thoughts and emotion building into that crescendo of demand and expectation. You hold onto that rock, that glimmer of confidence, hoping against hope that you are strong enough. You take the beating until you give into the loud voice of doubt which gushes around your head and collects in a pit of failure, or until the last of the snow has melted and the waters subside.

Hold on I say, hold on with all your might. View the streams from atop that mountain, climb your way, one step at a time. Do not lose patience. It is the patience that withstands the waiting. It is the patience that is your strength. It is that quiet voice within that wishes to guide you away from the plummeting tide. Quiet the roar and hold on to your jagged little rock so that you may emerge 10,000 times stronger; half a life-time of strength. And when you are able to open your eyes again you will be blessed with 10,000 times more beauty, as if colors are kissing the iris for the very first time.

Life is a waterfall. We must endure and we must find our way out of the mouth. To gleam over at our feats, to view a fate we chose with iron fists and steady hearts. To see that we are separate from the gush of experience. We are not the collection of that which surrounds us and we do not have to have to be carried over to fall among them. Stand upon this ridge. View the beauty of this tapestry as it rushes by. See all it is creating in the wake of convolution; this agglutination of thought and feeling, of direction and doubt. It forges through lands and diverges into calmer streams and rivers and creeks. A massive source of sustenance jutting into the world, giving life to others and design to yours. 

Remember that we are delicate and the rapids strong. Match its strength and then rest upon the ledge. Do not let this unanimous source of life take what makes you. Hold on, climb out and let it flow beneath you. Within is but a quiet soul who wishes only to see and be seen--so breath in the mountains air, stand tall and let it see.  

Doing what You Love is not Overated

Written the week before I graduated with my Bachelors in English Literature and Creative Writing, after 6 years of working towards a degree as a single mother. Time to heed these words. Look out, and see the dream.

If you have ever held back on working towards something you love because of fear, not having confidence, because someone tells you that's not the best direction, or because you worry about security. I just want to say,

Do it!

Carpe Diem, isn't it?

I say this because I started going to school for nursing, which was not me. The fact that there would be better job options is why I did it, I felt I needed to do something in way of progress. I felt miserable in school. Eager students would sit around and talk about how much they've always wanted to be a nurse, doctor etc. and that just left me feeling out of the circle and I didn't understand it. When I made the decision to put my foot down and force myself in the direction that has always called to me but was always scared to do, everything changed. Many responses to my aspiring towards a degree in English Literature and Minor in Creative writing were something to the effect of, '...but what will you do with it?'

I'll tell you:

I may never be a novelist or distinguished writer. I may never make a pretty penny on published work; but I will have learned tools to do what I love, even if it’s from behind a lit up computer screen in the wee hours of the night. I will have more confidence to do what awakens the core of who I am as a person. That ability to grow in myself is irreplaceable. It's not really about the career alone, it’s about surrounding yourself with people and things you love. I cannot speak enough to how special that point is. It makes such a big difference to answer the calling of your heart, regardless of what economic benefit it has or doesn't have. Have you ever heard the saying that when you follow your heart the rest falls into place? Well, that is true. Even if what falls into place is not originally thought they would be.

The people I have met along the way are amazing. We share interests and want to help each other on the road to betterment. There's nothing like walking into a room, listening to people talk and realizing there are other people out there, like me! People who feel the way I do.

I speak mostly to my writing classes. I fell in love with these workshops and am so sad to see them end. It brought back memories of writing when I was young and inspired to be something when I grew up. I never felt that way about previous half-hearted endeavors, just going with the flow or trekking the land of should be. It was when I challenged myself to feed the hunger with the food it wanted, that I became full.

Graduation is next Friday and I’m not sure what the next chapter will be. But I will start back up with the Fiction Fix crew again, who is full of people volunteering for a journal because they love being surrounded by their craft. That will be such a learning experience in itself. There is a group of people who connected in these classes who want to keep in touch and talk about stories, to read and critique each others projects. I see a writers group in the works! I also have endless information now about good books to read, writing groups to follow, resources I would have never known about and people to go to for help when I get stuck.

Though something is ending, it feels like the future ahead is wide open, and possibility is endless. I feel excited to walk into it. I don’t think I would have felt that had I not gone for what I was passionate about. I should note that I have met people of all ages, some much older in life who sat on their desire to try or do for a long time. They were grateful they went for it. I have a hunch that excitement I feel, must be something even more for them. 

"It is never too late to become who you might have been." 

I wanted to share this with folks who feel stuck or may be wondering, what do I do next? Maybe you wanted to be a photographer, artist, editor, engineer, gardener or doctor. I have met people who went for it. They exude a light about their work, and you can tell they do it because they love it.

You don't have to go to school. That may be difficult to manage between time and money constraints. I wouldn't even be close to finishing college at this point if my partner hadn't been so supportive. However, you can pick up that paintbrush, look for interest groups that focus on that thing you love, join events like Riverside Arts Market or Art Walk. Write without fear, submit projects to publishers or local magazines, work with youth, get outside and see nature, advocate your passion, read and research what your drawn to in books or blogs. We should be looking for opportunities to get involved with the things we care about, on a personal level. I speak to myself here too! I think it will teach a lot about ourselves and will give back to those we love, because we will be making time for something that moves us and puts us at our best.

It’s encouraging for people to hear about the happiness, goals and success stories of others, both big or small. I hope you will share yours!

I will leave you one last note. Life and society is full of supposed limitations. Be a rebel...break them.

DIY: Rustic Wedding Makeover

Are you having trouble finding the rustic pieces you envision for your wedding at little cost locally? Well, I have been working on a few projects to spruce up what I can get for cheap.

A friend was kind enough to give me this guest book and pen set from someone she knew. It's the basic white on white wedding stuff you'd see just about everywhere. Instantly though, I knew exactly what I would do to it to make it fit my wedding style. It's not that this style isn't pretty, it was just a little to floofy for me; the white mesh bows with white silk and white lacing. Just not my style, so I changed it up.

Here are some simple fixes to give generic 

wedding accessories a rustic touch.

First I removed the bow and cut off the lacing from around the bottom. With my "good for everything" hot glue gun, I began to glue lines of hemp string along the bottom. I also hot-glued a bit of hemp around the silver at the base of the pen just to hide any shiny bits.

At this point, I still felt it lacked something. I then remembered two hair cloth clips I bought in the girls section at Target (these were not expensive, around 2 bucks) and hot-glued those cloth flowers in place of the bow. Now everything looked much more rustic. But when I placed that white pen back with the silver in the middle, it just through the whole thing off. So what did I do?

More hemp! And more hot glue.

In a matter of 20 minutes, I turned this guest book pen into my own rustic vision.

I feel anyone can do something like this. If you only have the run of the mill Michaels or Joanne's wedding items available and don't want to spend extra money for handmade or unique items, don't fret. Think outside the box and just pick up a few other cheap goodies while in the store.

Don't be afraid to change it to feel like more like you. 

With a little craft-time and imagination, you can transform just about anything to suite your style. Isn't that what designing your wedding is all about? And the best part is you don't have to spend an arm and a leg to do so.

DIY: Rustic Wedding - Groomsmen Flowers on a Budget

If you must know, these were made in under 15 minutes and at little cost. A large roll of hemp was around $5. The baby's breath--well seeing how it comes 3 big bunches for 10 dollars at a local grocery store, and this is merely a pinch of that, we'll just say cheap. The purple flower I pulled from my backyard. How nice to have it that simple!


I have a hot glue gun, so I warmed that bad boy up, cut a bit of string and glued one end in place, then twisted and glued the other end (with just a dab) and viola! This just cut off at least 50 dollars off our florist budget. Since the guys usually aren't too big about flowers anyway, there's no need to go overboard. You could add greenery as well, or herbs. I will be trying out a few different looks but this is the simplicity I like.

As a bonus, you wouldn't even notice that these flowers had been sitting on my fireplace mantle for almost two weeks. So that's another plus to baby's breath, you can make this at least a week before the wedding and before all the craziness and will keep well. It's fairly worry free and for brides coming up on their big day like I am, it's pretty nice to have something that is.

Speech Blunders: Mord Wixups

Ever had a verbal/mental mix up, causing you to sound more like Doc from Snow White than an actual human with intelligent thoughts? 
Doc: "what are you and who are you doing?"


Well your not alone. 

There is a reason I relate to the character Paul Rudd plays in I Love You, Man. He just makes up words and odd sentences, and well, I do that too especially in nervous situations. Which can be, well...awkward.


The other day at my son's T-ball game I made a comment about running murther. Which, was supposed to be either "more" or "further" and that's just what came out. Then while trying to get my daughter to kneel by the tub to wash out excess shampoo, I kept floundering for the right words. They just came out in stutters and rambling non-sense. All I was trying to say was "sit down and put your head over the side of the tub" but it came out as everything but. Something like, "put head under and sit over...bend on sit... sit over... put head down side, under tub..."  Finally I just took her body and showed her what to do. I was done with forming words at the moment.

I've always, always had the problem getting what is in my head to come out of my mouth in the correct manner. Perhaps that is why I enjoy writing. I say its a brain to mouth complex, it just doesn't want to work all the time, so brain to hand...much better. Maybe it's because our mouths are slower than our typing hands these days, who knows!

Thing is, when I try to duplicate a word mix up, it is like a very complex puzzle and much more difficult than saying it correctly. That tells me that the unconsciousness mind is one smart cookie! For instance, when I was a kid, I got mad while playing volleyball with some friends and when I was skipped over for team captain. In a fluster I said, "Hey, it's my turn to be keam taptain!"

Did you know that type of mix up happens often enough that it has a name? Its called a spoonerism. And it baffles my mind every time it happens.

The other thing that happens quite often is thinking of two words to describe something and as speaking, it's as if the mind hasn't really chosen which is best. So it just combines them. These can be pretty funny, or should I say, hilunny. Hilarious + funny? You get it. Here is a list of some interesting combinations I've babbled recently:

"Does your tumach hurt?"  {tummy + stomach} or the opposite,  stummy (one I'm all too familiar with.)
"That's biuge!"  {big + huge}
"Man you'd have to run fuick"  {fast + quick}
"That's faneat!"  {fantastic + great}

And these have a technical name as well: Portmanteau. What is so neat to think about is that this is actually the way a lot of words came about that we use today! 

'Smog' = Smoke/Fog. Though 'foke' may not have worked as well.

Think about it though, it really is quite amazing that our brains have the ability to do the lightning- fast processing of switching letters around in in various forms in the first place, and actually making it an audible creation.

Oh the strange brain. I do believe it has a sense of humor working against us: it's own form of personal entertainment, keeping us on our toes. Regardless, I must say, what fascinating minds we have! 

Or should I say, brinds.