Perception's Reality

        
-->

Women everywhere are faced with that nagging voice of skepticism when they look at themselves in the mirror.  We know deep down that pestering voice is lying to us.  Yet we let it feed us to the lions of our psyche.  I’ve known many beautiful…no, gorgeous women who smile and put on a strong face.  But below the surface, sometimes right at the surface, they are trapped in the discomfort of their own skin.  I have to wonder why this has affected so many women.

       

I am one of those women seduced by the ridiculous shame, with no right to feel that way.  Many times that voice tells me I just don’t quite measure up.  Since I was a little girl I always wanted to have a little slice of Hollywood for my own.  With that want however, always came a big paranoia. 

The act of being judged.  

To some degree I think a lot of women succumb to the glamor of a dream world far away, where those women are perfect and treated like princesses.  I believe it is an unconscious sickness that envelopes too many.  I am mother of two absolutely adorable children and they have taken precedence over my life but in the back of my mind that fame mongering Hollywood is still taking her hits. How do we stop these negative thoughts from invading our lives and telling us what we are and are not?
      
I gave up smoking and about 6 months later had gained a healthy 15-20 lbs.  It’s the best thing I could have ever done.  I felt healthier, more luminescent and stronger but was left with a whole new type of insecurity.  

Here’s the ticker, before there was added weight I struggled with being too thin for the better part of my early 20s.  So many times I would want to bury myself away if someone was looking at me, thinking that they probably saw me as a horrid skin and bones duo.  It was all over the face of magazines, this star was “TOO THIN!!”, “close to death!” or “About to collapse…” Everywhere there were disgusting, over-dramatic attacks on very beautiful women who yes, were extremely skinny.  

Somehow in my mind though, it was my face and my body on that magazine for the entire world to see and discuss, about whether or not I had an eating disorder or was doing drugs-- which was never the case. To have a complete stranger come up to me and say, “I have some french fries in the car you can have!” or the repeated “you’re SOOO skinny” with a concerned look in their eyes or "You need to eat something." etc. 

It hurt deeply. 

It was a constant alarm that something must be really wrong with me.

    
So then when I moved up a few sizes in a matter of months a new complex was arising. When will it stop? There always seems to be something for that pestering voice to say. I tried to put on clothes which hugged my body causing creases, dimples and folds I had never seen before.  Then when I looked at those stars that were too thin and plastered all over the news I also saw not two or three sizes away, an actress who was in the spot light for being pudgy at 130 lbs. This gets me pretty angry. How is it that the media can say that there is only a 15 lb window for millions of women to fit into?  

We all come in different sizes and shapes but it seems as though there is only a fractional space for the glamorous, visually enticing type of woman but I have news for you, every woman wants to feel visually alluring. I have many friends who are over 130 lbs and absolutely stunning, so why should I allow any bit of poison to enter my mind if I wouldn’t want it to enter theirs?
    
Here is the bigger question, is it really the media telling us there is something wrong with us…or are we actually feeding ourselves this lie?   It’s an important question, because the media should have no say over our lives. After all, there is no one name attached to the backlash. We attach ourselves to it.

    
What I am finding is that behind so many amazing women is a nervous girl, who’s hoping she is worth something. I was asked by my boyfriend why I feel the need to wear makeup, paint my nails and dress up, because he doesn’t see what the point in all of it is. It’s a good question but all I could say is that’s just how girls are.  It got me thinking though.  I feel proud to be a girl and so much of the lure is how feminine I feel.  But while some part of me just enjoys the rituals, there is also a part where all the added details make me feel a little bit more noticeable and important. That is where we falter in our thinking.


    
When I was little, I twirled around in my mother’s clothes and clucked around in her big heals, as I think most girls did. I saw my mother as the most beautiful woman in the world and wanted to be just like her. I saw my big sister getting ready for prom and she looked like a princess in her 80’s peach ruffle dress and permed hair. My eyes beamed delightfully in seeing her radiance. As I grew, though I took on the role of a tom boy and was usually found barefoot amongst the trees and bay water…even then though there was still that one boy that I wanted to think saw me as pretty. 

As I aged on however, I began looking to models, actresses and famous people for what I wanted to be like, which made the goal a bit harder to reach and the comparison a bit more like a “yeah right!”


Now I see my daughter playing with her girlfriends and putting lip-gloss and bright blue eye shadow on and dressing up in my clothes and I wonder how she will feel in 20 years. How will she see herself? Will she see herself as beautiful as I see her? I don’t want her to get stuck in a superficial trap; I want her to grow knowing who she is. Finding beauty in being unique; not needing to fit into one prototype. 

So I am headed on a mission to stop the bickering in my heart and in my head because enough is enough already! It starts with me.

Behind each woman is someone who loves them and thinks the world of them…people who see them as absolutely gorgeous. So exactly whose standards are we trying to live up to anyway? Who cares what the magazines and Hollywood street life says! You are beautiful just the way you are. Think of Bridget Jones, a slightly overweight clumsy plain Jane who is actually just plain adorable and charming. Characters like the quiet Ms. Eleanor Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility; soft-spoken and simple. Still beautiful in her own right. Don’t people’s diverse personalities and characters have any say in what is beautiful or not? I believe so.

I have seen woman of all shapes and sizes and stopped to watch them in their own lore. The way their face expressions move in telling a story or how they can make others smile or just how in being themselves uniquely, has a special quality. So why shouldn’t we give ourselves the same credit? I think the reality of these insecurities is that we end up pushing away others if we don’t keep it in check. Women often want to hide their body from the one they love because they may feel embarrassed, when in reality the lover wants to do is see it!  Women may also grimace when getting a complement because they have a hard time excepting it. We can, in this, alienate ourselves from letting our true beauty show. Which cliché as is may be, comes from a much deeper part of our souls. The most gorgeous women radiate from the inside out. 

So here's to all you beautiful ladies out there-- young or old, thin or plump, curvy or straight, short or tall, shy or outspoken… You ARE beautiful. So why not give yourself a break for a change and tell that nuisance of a voice, to shut it!